


a feather in the clouds

by Allegory



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorder, Hospital, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sadness, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25752064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allegory/pseuds/Allegory
Summary: "Have you eaten today?""I will, later.""Have you eaten today?""No.""Why?"Eichi stared at his fingers. They looked the same, but they always seemed bonier to him when he was on an empty stomach."I want that feeling- of light-headedness, weakness. To be hungry enough that I can't think straight."
Relationships: Hibiki Wataru/Tenshouin Eichi
Comments: 23
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

"You're back?" 

Eichi turned around. "Well, yeah. You'd be talking to a ghost, otherwise."

Wataru contemplated this for a moment. Then he closed the distance between them. Tan light filtering through the windows slid off his shoulders, and they both stood in the cloak of darkness. The papers in Eichi's hand rustled softly. 

"You've put on weight."

From Eichi, a near imperceptible wince. Without anticipation, one wouldn't have caught it. Wataru did.

"I'm sorry if that offends your sensibilities."

Wataru grabbed his arm suddenly. Eichi didn't resist. In a flash, his sleeve was pushed to his elbow and his arm held between them. The underside was mottled by bruises.

Papers scattered to the floor.

Silence. The clock ticking to 5pm. Someone on the running track, _thud thud thud._

"What's the point of this?" Eichi asked.

Neither anger nor irritation were in his voice. Just a sense of resignation, perhaps, one that seemed to come from deep inside his bones. One he seemed almost to have been born with. Wataru allowed himself a moment to take in Eichi's hoarse voice, his fragile expression, his fingers, trembling habitually as ever.

Then he let Eichi go. He lowered Eichi's arm with a gentleness that belied his accusatory roughness.

Eichi knelt to pick the papers up. He set them on his desk, where they laid in a neat pile beside his fountain pen. 

"Have you eaten today?"

"I will, later."

"Have you eaten today?"

"No."

"Why?"

Eichi stared at his fingers. They looked the same, but they always seemed bonier to him when he was on an empty stomach.

"I want that feeling- of light-headedness, weakness. To be hungry enough that I can't think straight."

"You're killing yourself."

Eichi smiled a little. "Not according to you. After all, I've put on weight."

He didn't want to stay in the room any longer. Leaving without another word to Wataru, he felt his feet carry his body forward, like strings pulling a feather along. A few months ago he'd had this exact sensation- this darkness in his heart he couldn't shake off no matter the support of others. He'd been hospitalized then. He'd be more careful now. 


	2. 2

"Eichi-chan, help me with this, will you?"

Tori popped up from where he had been lying, a weary look on his face. His math workbook was turned to the statistics chapter, and he was pointing to a probabilities problem.

Eichi stared hard at the page. He tapped a few digits into his calculator, but couldn't quite remember what formula he was supposed to use. There seemed to be a fog in his head, clouding him from seeing things that were usually so clear.

Minutes passed. He felt Wataru staring at him, though Wataru was on the other side of the table, looking into the pop quiz in Yuzuru's laptop. 

"Hmm?" Tori grumbled. "What's taking you so long? You're usually so good at math…"

Eichi laughed a little. "Ah. Sorry. I'm a little tired today."

Tori pouted, though it wasn't in earnest. His cute face made Eichi laugh a little easier.

Yuzuru's phone vibrated. "Oh. The Madam wants me downstairs."

"She's probably done baking," Tori said, as Yuzuru stood to leave. "Get me a glass of cold water while you're at it, pet."

"At once, Master."

Tori blew him a playful kiss.

*

When Yuzuru returned, it was with four muffins on a tray. 

_ Shit. _

This was one of the worse things. Eichi had it in his head that Wataru somehow planned the whole scene just to make him uncomfortable. But Wataru wasn't like that. He knew the boundary of what he could do with Eichi alone and when Eichi was with others. A certain image needed to be upheld.

As Tori flung his way to a muffin, Eichi excused himself. He found himself staring into a toilet mirror a moment later. His collarbone jutted out from the shadow of his shirt.

He felt faint. The good kind. So good that it was past 9pm and he still hadn't had anything to eat. That on top of all the dance practice they'd done earlier in the day.

"Eichi."

Wataru.

"Eichi, as it is, you've really only got two options. Either go back up and finish that muffin, or I'll tell them you feel sick and  drive you home."

Eichi didn't respond for a while. Then he exited the bathroom. He looked at Wataru, who nodded. And they left.

*

Wataru's Mercedes. Brand new. The seats still smelled of primed leather.

Moonlight seeped in between the fir trees surrounding them. Flashes of darkness and light, and Wataru's face from the window on Eichi's side. The Himemiya mansion was a vague silhouette in the distance.

Eichi turned on the radio, his fingers running over the notched circumference of the volume knob. An old classic was on air, but the chorus was already over and the song neared its end. Wataru turned it off.

"Are you planning to sleep on empty?" he asked.

"..."

"You know you can't. You'll just stay up the whole night."

Eichi used to have problems with that, when he went days without food; though cold and tired, the hunger always kept him awake till daybreak. Being unable to sleep was the worst part of it all. He needed a functional brain in the mornings, when there was tons of idol work to do, on top of academics and extracurriculars.

“You can’t let it happen again. You know that.”

Eichi didn’t say anything. He thought of the hospital, everything he hated about it- the food, the drips, the pain of needles sticking in and out of his body- and he thought that he’d bear it all if it meant he could go on living feather-light in the clouds.

His obstinacy was showing through his features, though he didn’t notice this until later, when the car zoomed forth at an alarming speed.

“Wataru, slow down.”

“I’m not slowing down.”

“You’re going to get us both killed.”

Wataru laughed. “It’s infuriating, isn’t it? Begging someone you love to stop doing something dangerous, but they won’t ever listen. What you’re feeling right now, that’s how I feel all the time.”

Eichi was silent. And Wataru, despite the high rise of his temper, put a little less pressure on the accelerator. 

“Can you drink something, at least? Hot chocolate- that’s what you usually have instead of breakfast or lunch, right? We can get it at the drive through. Okay?”

Eichi wanted to say no. Their conversation was pushing him against the edge, and at that moment he wanted badly to slam himself against the door, hard enough to fuck his arm up for good. It wasn’t about the food anymore- it was the asphyxiation of being pestered into submission- the agony of someone else dictating his personal choices. 

“Eichi. Please.”

His voice was shaking. Eichi looked at him, and saw the wet ghost of a tear that might’ve slid down his cheek a split second ago.

Eichi bit his lip. The taste of iron flooded his mouth. 


	3. 3

They were at the nearest McDonalds. There wasn't much of a line, and they got their beverages quickly. Wataru parked at the empty lot overlooking the hill. Through the window, the city glimmered with its silent nighttime beauty.

Wataru turned the heating down. He popped the lid of his latte and the strong scent of coffee filled the car. Eichi did the same to his, but he leaned on his side for a long while, still refusing to drink.

Wataru didn't force him. He slipped at his own drink in the silence, the warmth of a fresh brew running through his veins.

"Different from our usual tea," he remarked.

"Night calls for a change."

"Like you. The difference between the way you look and the way you act, like day and night."

"You're saying," Eichi said, bringing the chocolate drink to his lips. The sweet smell was intoxicating. "That I act a barbarian."

"Towards yourself, often." Wataru set his coffee down. He leaned a little, just enough to put the back of his palm against Eichi's sallow cheek. "An angel's face, but you hate yourself so much."

"Oh. Oh no. I love my face. And my body. Really, I love it enough to destroy it."

A dangerous grit to his words prevented Wataru from going any further. He thought of leaning in, kissing Eichi like he used to. That was before anyone knew about all of this. Before it occurred to him that Eichi never ate anything in his presence, and declined all invitations to the unit’s social events.

Wataru couldn't. He couldn't kiss Eichi, because he knew Eichi would draw away. The notion hurt too much for him to attempt it.

Eichi, knowing what was on Wataru’s mind, felt his stomach churn. He set the drink aside, having abstained from a single sip the whole time.

“If you’re wondering- I do miss it.”

“It.”

“You. Your mouth.” Eichi smiled a little. “On mine. Your hands, here, on my chest.”

They both missed it. But neither of them could bring it back. Not after last winter, when Wataru found Eichi at a corner of the dance room they’d booked, the wide mirror assaulted by his fist. The glass hadn’t broken, but it was all smudged, and Eichi was gasping and cradling his arm, swearing at the bone-deep pain. When Wataru got close, it startled Eichi enough that the latter swung at him. Even after Eichi saw who it was _ , _ he still kept the distance between them, dashing away before Wataru could think of how to react.

They hadn’t been intimate since then.

“You won’t let me touch you anymore.”

Eichi looked away. The silence in the car was interrupted by the growling of his stomach. The noise went on for quite a while. Too long to be forgotten.

“Eichi. Drink, will you? Just to help you sleep, and get up early in the morning. There’s a lot to do before DreFes tomorrow.”

Finally, he yielded. Wataru started up the car and drove back on the main road to the Tenshouin household. He wanted to seem busy- to seem like he wasn’t paying any attention to Eichi, who hated being watched while he ate or drank. There was almost a shame attached to the act of consumption, as if Eichi was yielding to the instinct of his body. The lack of restraint was, to him, grotesque somehow.  Wataru didn’t know why. The only time Eichi looked grotesque to him was when that cornered look came over his features. It was almost animal, the determination he had to protect his self-destruction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello readers, please lemme know if you guys are enjoying this ;'o i wanna write more of them, but i guess it depends if people are interested


	4. 4

_ Do other people have heads like mine? _

The question came across Eichi once again, idly, as he watched Undead perform from the student council room.

The sun was blistering outside. Just looking out of the window hurt. At least, within the confines of the council room, the noise of their guitar riffs were muffled. He could watch in peace.

After Undead was Knights. Of course, the peace was too good to last much longer. Before Knights could end their song, Tori burst into the room, clinging to Eichi as he always did. Would’ve been cute, had Eichi’s mood been any better that noon.

“Eichi, are you okay? Wataru said you felt sick yesterday.”

He smiled, as always. “Nothing major. I just had to rest.”

Tori, blessed with health and vigor, who knew nothing of illnesses or what they meant, could do nothing but pout to convey his concern.

Perhaps that quality was what Eichi had been attracted to. The quality of being free of ailment- Tori, Yuzuru, Wataru, they all had it. Lively and full of energy, they were so far from the world of hospitals and medicines that Eichi had been instinctively drawn towards them. He couldn’t imagine better people in his unit. The three, most playful people in the school, and him, the imitation. 

*

"Wait."

Wataru stood at the top of a flight of stairs. Eichi was on the landing, supporting himself with one hand on the rails.

He hated rails. Their uncleanliness. The idea of others' germs on his person. Yet he was clinging to it, his nails ash-white against the metal.

Wataru walked down to him, the sun setting beyond the ceiling-to-floor window. It was like that day in the council room, when Wataru confronted him about his eating. Moments from dusk.

Eichi was breathing hard. They'd climbed one floor and he was already so fatigued that he couldn't make it the rest of the way up.

Times like these, Wataru wanted to embrace him. His narrowing frame, the sharp angles of a gaunt body softened by cardigans and jackets.

"Just, wait."

A few more seconds passed. Eichi managed to catch his breath. 

"It's because of me, isn't it?" Wataru said. "Because I forced you to drink something last night. You won't even drink water today."

"Stop it," Eichi breathed. His lips were chapped, the skin beneath his eyes grey. "The more we talk about this the more insane I feel. Just, stop pointing everything out. Stop, and I might do a little better."

Wataru stopped. They made it the rest of the way to the practice room, where Tori and Yuzuru were waiting. They had already changed into their gym clothes. 

Eichi hated those clothes. They were rehearsing Holy Angel's Carol, for which he was in the spotlight, and stood closer to the dance mirror during the chorus than the others. The choreography sometimes made his shirt lift too high, revealing a flash of his ribs, or the way his stomach sunk inwards like a concave lens.

There wasn't much he could hide there. And Tori, being oblivious to most things, didn't have the tact not to exclaim that Eichi was getting too thin. It had happened twice by then, and each time Eichi had explained it on account of his "illness", which wasn't exactly a lie.

His worries that Tori would bring that up again were unnecessary. They hadn't even finished warm-ups before Eichi landed too hard on his ankle and stumbled over. He couldn't stop himself from slamming his fist on the floor. And he was out of the room before anyone could say anything.

*

"What's wrong with Eichi?"

Wataru tapped Tori affectionately on the head. "That's for you to find out one day, when you're old enough."

Yuzuru sat far behind them, running over some administrative work unrelated to their dance practice. 

" _ When I'm old enough,"  _ Tori grumbled. "Will Eichi be okay when I'm finally old enough?"

The question stopped Wataru in his tracks. There was a surprising degree of clarity in those words, coming from a child. 

"I don't know," Wataru murmured. "I don't know."

It was pitch black outside. He thought of all the times he'd gone to the hospital to visit Eichi, not knowing all the while what he was sick with. All those hours talking to him, playing chess with him, watching TV with him. All the times he'd feigned smiles, laughter, mindless wishes that he would get well soon.

If he told Tori then and there, what was wrong with Eichi, Tori would probably say something like, " _ that's _ the problem? Just make him eat!" 

But it wasn't that simple, and Eichi had gone through countless programs to try and fix his head. Therapists from everywhere. Medication, dozens of different colours; those were his version of Christmas lights. Sometimes some particular pill seemed to work. Then he was off, fasting for four or five days at a time until he blacked out.

Eichi had confessed to him before that fainting terrified him. The process of losing one's consciousness against their will- he dreaded it. Yet, after being discharged, he always went back to old habits, starving starving starving, finding ways to mutilate himself to no end.

Wataru glanced at the box of props that Tori was unhappily scrounging through. Snowflake imitations, party stringers, paper heart cutouts- prototypes for ideas they wanted to incorporate in their performances.

Tori lifted a bunch of feathers out from the bottom of the box, and Wataru was reminded of their most recent performance. The way those feathers had flickered off the surface of Eichi's eyes, and Wataru had glimpsed a sort of glittering envy within them. It was about that. Eichi wanted to fly, to soar despite his fear of pain and death. He wanted to be a feather in the clouds, floating unparalleled in a world of his own. But what did that mean, for the rest of them who loved him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those who commented in the last chapter, I wasn't getting much feedback and wasn't sure if I wanted to continue the fic, but now I definitely do :) 
> 
> I'm only on episode 8 of the anime rn so I apologize in advance for any unrealistic portrayals, I'll go back and edit if I see the need to in the future. 
> 
> My tumblr is Naleukk if you guys wanna b friends, I post enstar stuff 24/7 there ehhe
> 
> Thanks again for enjoying my creations <3 Stay safe everyone


	5. 5

Five years ago, Eichi's mother sat beside him in one of the mansion's many gardens. It was a rare day- he hardly ever saw her, never mind have the time to while away with her with a teapot steaming between them. The scent of freshly cut grass wafted through the morning air; winter had finally thawed in earnest, and tiny rose buds were worming through the trellises of vivid foliage. 

He remembered- she was in a pale yellow cardigan, her perfectly shaped legs crossed with an elegance that Eichi had come to hold as a standard of beauty. He loved her- in the way a child loved a toy, as something that was beautiful and desirable, but quickly forgotten at the arrival of a novel counterpart. They were close to each other, in the sense of chattering together at family events. Yet when the crowds departed, he often felt the coldness of strangers settle like a chill between them, and like a scarf she slipped off his shoulders, bustling to her next job or appointment.

She had finished a cup of tea by the time she noticed Eichi wasn’t having any. He was wandering, admiring the flowers of the garden up close, doing anything but coming close to the tea and macarons. 

Slowly, she picked herself off her white chair and stepped towards him.

“They’re very beautiful.”

Eichi looked up at her with his round blue eyes. “Like you, mama.”

“And like you,” she smiled. 

A pause.

“The maidservants,” she continued. “Informed me that you’re only taking one meal a day.”

“I’m not hungry very much.”

“You’re a thirteen year old boy. You need the proper nutrients to grow.”

_ Not like you care not like you care. _

T he thought banged around in Eichi's head until the red rose buds nearly consumed their fine green surroundings. Not like she cared, or his dad cared; not like they were ever home like the other kids’ parents were. All their bouncer parties, friday night barbecues, attendances to parent-teacher meetings- his family never cared for any of them. Even when he was hospitalized, they couldn’t stay more than an hour before having some other thing in their schedule to attend to. 

Eichi stared at his feet. _I might as well be dead._ _Dead dead dead dead._

After all, hadn’t he stopped eating to get his mom’s attention? Now that he had it, the result was lukewarm, and he felt even less consoled about his loneliness than he’d been before pulling this whole fiasco. 

So, he looked at her and smiled. “I understand, mom.”

She put her arm around him. “You’re a good boy, you know that?"

“Yes, mom.”

*

He ate dinner that night. The whole ordeal was swept under the rug; besides, with his hearty appetite for meat, it was absurd that he should try to starve himself for any reason at all.

It was around the time that he enrolled in Yumenosaki Academy that he was first admitted to a mental hospital. And the admissions, like needles, pockmarked his semesters at the academy, pulling him out and throwing him back into what he loved in a back-and-forth cycle.

Eichi was surprised that he’d lasted this long. 


	6. Chapter 6

“I’m resigning.”

“What?”

“From Fine. Here’s my letter.”

Wataru took the letter from him and stared at it for a moment. It was presented in a white envelope with golden trimmings.

He tore it into two halves and let them fall to the floor. 

Eichi’s expression didn’t change. “I’ll have to reprint that.”

Wataru stepped on one of the halves. It was unusually...barbaric of him to do such a thing.

“I suppose you had some very good reasons written in there?”

“You might’ve found out, had you not ripped it. If you’re going to be a child, I’ll pass the letter to Yuzuru instead.”

“Yuzuru does not care. What do you think Fine will be without you? Tori joined because he idolizes you. Yuzuru followed his master. I am here because you asked me to be. Without you, there is no Fine.”

Eichi reclined on the sofa in the hall of Yumenosaki Student Central. Ever since the garden cafeteria was established, very few students still liked to hang around the central, as the furniture was older and the whole place smelled of dust mites. Wataru sat across from him on a stool.

“I’m too tired,” Eichi murmured. “To think of a retaliation.”

“I’m guessing you want to quit because you don’t feel adequate.”

“I want to quit because I am close to leaving Yumenosaki.”

Wataru couldn’t speak.

He stared at Eichi’s body. The way his arm was laid on his stomach, or whatever was left of it. Often, Eichi made such a conscious effort to fluff himself up in front of others. To wear layer upon layer of looser clothes. In front of Wataru, fatigued as Eichi was by his constant confrontations, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Fine will have a better leader. I’ve already approached two people and both of them are more than capable of maintaining Fine’s status. It will be up to the present members of the unit to decide who should take the position.”

“You said you’re close to leaving.”

“Yes.”

“What’s holding you back?”

Eichi paused before saying, "You.”

Wataru put his face in his hands. For a long while, nothing seemed to happen. Then he got up and went to the restroom. When he returned, he continued to stare at Eichi, who hadn’t moved an inch from before. That stillness so unnatural to human beings made him seem almost corpse-like. Eichi’s eyes were trained on the rosewood foot of the table between them, and one hand of his dangled from the side of the sofa like the disjointed limb of a marionette. 

Wataru crossed the distance between them and sat on the armchair. He came so close to Eichi that the latter, who had been in such a deep malaise, suddenly flinched from their proximity. Eichi shifted, sliding down a little, trying to find an escape. But both Wataru’s arms were pinning him in position.

“This isn’t funny.”

“Am I laughing?”

Wataru kissed him. Immediately, Eichi’s hands were slamming against his chest. He shoved hard, even kicked with enough force to send a startling jolt of pain through the side of Wataru’s body.

“No,” Eichi breathed, but the word was mangled as Wataru pushed their mouths together. “No, my mouth- smells bad-”

Wataru clenched Eichi’s shoulder.

“Do you think I care? You foolish Ophelia. Just forget everything and let me do this for you.”

Slowly, by way of Wataru's surprising strength if nothing else, Eichi stopped resisting. Wataru shifted so that they were sitting together, and he held onto both of Eichi’s hands, tracing them with his thumbs. Eichi felt the way his fingers ran gently over his skin, and for the first time in a long while, something that wasn’t numbness or fear or frustration filled him. And suddenly tears were rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m, sorry,” Eichi whispered, curling into himself, gasping, choking, “I’m sorry, _sorry_ -”

Wataru held him. Kissed his nape. Kissed the soft, sensitive spot behind his ear. “I missed this. I missed you. Every part of you. You hate it when I say this, but I beg you to talk to me. Rather than running away, like you always do, and leaving me to watch you crumble to dust. Promise me, Eichi. Promise me now."

The tears wouldn’t stop. Whatever Eichi was saying was lost in his gut-wrenching sobs. His whole body was shaking, cold and hot at the same time, and it was hell to put his body through but they could no longer avoid it.

"I can't, promise, I'll, disappoint you and- you'll leave me, I can't lose- you-"

"So long as I live, I will never. Just promise me to try to open up. And mean it."

Wataru pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, the one that he used for his magic tricks, and wiped the tears off Eichi's face. There was so much, and he kept crying no matter how Wataru wiped- perhaps even more, now that Wataru was affirming him of what he feared most: the idea that he was loved enough to warrant such gentle treatment.

"You'll shrivel if you keep crying," Wataru said, laughing a little in spite of the situation.

Eichi laughed, too. But a twinge of pain set his expression back to a frown. He laid a hand on his chest, where his heart felt like it was burning. 

Wataru noticed. He put an arm around Eichi and helped him stand. Glancing at the clock, he could only hope that Sakami sensei wasn't out on duty or lunch break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm v sad today, can you tell from this chapter? Haha. I want to be comforted by wataru too.


	7. 7

Wataru stayed over at Eichi's place for the next few days.

Eichi had never invited anyone over before, not since middle school perhaps, when a sleepover went disastrously wrong.

Even when they started dating, Eichi always insisted on going to Wataru's. 

Presently, there wasn't much of a choice; after the incident at student central, Sagami sensei had issued a letter to the Tenshouin's that he was too ill to return to school for at least a week, and that Eichi required extensive care he wasn't able to provide.

It seemed Eichi was going to have to return to the hospital. But Wataru spent the night at the Tenshouin's on the day Eichi collapsed, and through the delirium of his fever, Eichi heard Wataru arguing with his parents. _It's just like him_ , he'd thought. _To throw away social convention just like that._ He'd fallen back to sleep a little easier knowing Wataru was only a room away.

*

Eichi stared at the plate of vegetables and small portion of meat in front of him. He knew the food picked out for him were a consolation- they wouldn't make him too full- he'd still be skin and bones, he'd still be safe. It was just something he had to get over and done with.

Wataru combed a hand through Eichi's hair. Almost half a dozen strands came off, and he couldn't hide the alarm that flashed across his face.

Eichi picked up the fork. Put it down again.

"It's all right," he said, rubbing his grey-rimmed eyes. "It's- I'm used to it."

Wataru sighed. He sat closer to Eichi on the bed, and kissed him on his temple. "One step at a time."

Eichi nodded. 

It was a sweet and sick sensation. The feeling of fullness in his belly, tight and desperate. At first he couldn't bring up much of an appetite, and even the motion of chewing felt wrong, alien to him. But after a while, his stomach started feeling like a black hole- hunger was all he knew, and he scarfed the food in front of him with a wilderness that he would've killed himself for, had the witness been anyone but Wataru. His heart started to race and his hands tremble with the sudden intake. It had all gone by too fast.

Wataru left him for a while. He came back with another plate, this time with rice and his favourite, veal. Eichi scowled.

"However much I bring, you won't be able to gobble down three days worth, so it's fine."

"Shut up," Eichi put his empty plate aside and dove under the covers. His stomach groaned- it felt painful there, in the cavity of his ribcage, but he  _ did  _ want to eat. He wanted badly to eat anything and everything. The weight of Wataru on the edge of the bed made him recoil.

"I can't, I'll puke," he lied.

"I'm not forcing you. It's here if you want it. Tori also brought some macarons but I've told the servants to shelve them away from now. Here's the get well card."

Eichi peeped over the covers to see the small handmade card, with Tori's childish doodles on the fore. He took it and clutched it to his chest. A sharp laugh escaped his throat.

"What would Tori think if he saw me like this? His idol, cowering before a plate."

"He would think you brave, Eichi."

Eichi closed his eyes. The nausea that had flooded him faded a little, and he fell asleep clinging to those words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I'm feeling guilty for sleeping on such a full stomach. You guys probably know how this feels very well


	8. 8

"It won't...come up."

Wataru turned to face him. Eichi's brows were knitted in consternation as he slurped to no avail.

"Ah." Wataru took his cup from him. "That's because you nearly chewed the straw off. See?"

It was indeed cut up around its edges. "With these gaps, there isn't enough pressure in the straw for the drink to come up."

"Oh, Shakespeare's a scientist now?" Eichi pouted, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Wataru removed the straw and replaced it with his own; he'd nearly finished his own drink anyway, and presently he tossed it in a bin on the side of the pavement. He handed Eichi's cup back to him, but the latter wasn't receptive. 

"Oh, come on, you're like a child sometimes."

"I hate it when you say that," Eichi mumbled. But this time he couldn't deny it was true.

"I didn't even say anything," Wataru reasoned.

"I know you thought it."

He knew Wataru thought he was hungry- that he'd been so excited for the boba that he practically gnawed at the straw the moment it came into contact with his mouth. They'd waited a good half hour for their drinks, like common peasants, the way Wataru insisted they ought to spend the night. All the while Eichi had tried to hide his shivering form from him; the late autumn chills had been setting in, and while walking along with the crowd was refreshing, he didn't have the constitution to fully enjoy it. 

Part of him wondered if Wataru set the whole thing up so that he would end up finishing his drink, though he'd already eaten earlier that day. It'd been a long time since he'd had both a meal and a drink in the same day.

"Saying you're a child," Wataru continued, nudging the cup against Eichi's arm. "Is a compliment. You, the emperor of Yumenosaki, who has the divine right to build up or destroy the dreams of hundreds of people, also have a charming side- a side that pouts at the slightest jest, a side that likes to make puns, and quote manga."

"Is that the side you fell in love with?"

Wataru struck a pose even as they continued walking. "As an actor, I am always partial to the dramatic. After all, 'All the world's a stage!' Therefore, that flair of yours is naturally what lured me in." He lowered his voice, and planted a kiss on Eichi's cheek. "But it is the childlike contrast that keeps me by your side."

Eichi blushed. He felt his already frail heart skip a beat, and he took the drink Wataru was extending to him, for something to do if nothing else. Wataru smirked with that charismatic vanity of his. 

As he drank, they turned around a corner and headed towards the quayside. The salty tang of the sea came at them along with the wind, and Wataru was off again, proclaiming himself a windshield not even a hurricane could move. Some Caliban quotes later, Eichi finished his drink. The temperature was dropping, however, and the icy fluids in his system did nothing to help. 

"A bird!" Wataru shrieked, pointing to the ferris wheel on the other side of the quay.

Eichi swiveled in that direction. He felt a weight come over his shoulders and realized that Wataru had wrapped him in his winter coat. 

Wataru flashed him a smile. _"Amazing!☆"_

Eichi almost choked. "Yes, Wataru. _Amazing!"_

The warmth of Wataru's hand around his, the closeness of their bodies as Eichi leaned on him, filled him with a sense of love that he'd forgotten over the past months. All the therapy in the world didn't matter when he never bothered to tell his therapists a single truth. He didn't know them; he didn't let them know about him. The forced sessions had aggravated and estranged him from his closest friends, making things worse. Slowly, he was building back up what he'd lost, and it felt more wonderful to him than anything his weight could offer. 

Suddenly, without warning, Eichi ran over to the quayside rails and looked into the water.

"Wataru! Did you see that?"

"Where?!" 

Wataru had just arrived when Eichi planted a kiss on his lips.

It was prolonged. Both of their mouths tasted of sweet tea and tapioca pearls. The heat of their mouths mingled, warming them up from the inside.

When they finally parted, Wataru was the one at a loss for words. Eichi, leaning on the rails, touched his own lips and whispered, his voice hot and sultry, "How's that for _a_ _mazing☆?"_

Passerby's couldn't help but take pictures when they saw the two boys tap dancing in the middle of nowhere, their laughter stirring even the most melancholic of dry autumn leaves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that ive successfully incorporated "Amazing!☆" to the fic, it's got to be pretty much finished (lol)  
> if im ending the fic here, i'll announce it with the next chapter with future plans (i really don't plan my stories out in advance haha)  
> this chapter was v fun and i feel v giddy after writing it  
> im in love with their love. i hope this fic made you love their love too!


	9. thank uuuu

Hey guys

Just a note that this fic is complete now. Please enjoy this eiwata sketch and thank you all for reading!

I'm craving a Hiyojun body positivity fic next to make up for all this angst;; (i read somewhere that hiyo is the only one in eden who doesn't have abs hahaha, so cute)

not sure if im capable of writing positive stuff (it'll probably end up dark lol)

and there's still much more about eiwata i want to explore but haven't had the chance to

eiwata will always be my enstar otp ;;;;;w;;;;

once again thank you guys! especially commenters, you guys really made this fic happen :D

**Author's Note:**

> On a side note I just started watching the anime and fine, my fav unit, turns out to consist of assholes


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